First Steps To Save My Life

Happy Presidents Day everybody! Unless your in Sales, retail, the restaurant business, or were just plain unlucky to have to go to work today. No fun. Work was work, but this Monday was a bit different then most. Most Monday's I come in, look like absolute hell since I would have drank 3 bottles of liquor over the weekend. Barely do anything till 11, and then start my day slowly counting down the minutes until I could leave. Not this Monday. I woke up feeling refreshed, feeling a sense of pride that I had finally for the first time in, god, 6 years had a completely sober weekend. Actually got a lot more work done too. Was quite nice and solid reinforcement internally to know I am doing all the correct things. After work was over, my banker friends (All off very jealous) told me to come meet them at a bar, as an old college bud had moved back to the city. Feeling great I thought, sure I can go. Didn't even have a will to drink. We would just play some darts and catch up. All...

Another day of sobriety down. Watched basketball with all my friends. I have been having a really hard time being by myself. That's when the mind starts to wander and the will to drink is great. I have been telling my non close friends that I am doing this "for lent." It has been easier for me then explaining to my friends who drink all the time that I am an alcoholic. (Obviously my inner circle knows) They have been accepting of this line. Last night around 12 am I received a text from a girl I had been texting for a month. We hit it off after my Christmas party last December. Ended up drinking heavily till 4 am and had a blast. When I am in a good mood I was a fun drunk, the life of the party. That is what she knew me as. She unfortunately got caught up in my web of hitting rock bottom. It was a moment that really made me feel terrible about myself. I deserved this though. Last Saturday her a  I apparently talked on the phone for an hour (I checked it's true) ...

Saturday has been a tough, but important self discovery day. Today an old friend came to town and wanted to get lunch with me and his girlfriend... at a Bar. This would be the first time I have ever been in a bar with other people drinking, but not I. Luckily they were there first and ordered their drinks before. The waitress came over and asked what I wanted. I ordered a Diet Coke. The time went on and the bar started to become more and more crowded. More and more people were coming into the bar, and the drinks were flowing. I could feel myself start to worry. But I stayed strong. All in all we had a great time. It was so nice to catch up with old friends. Once my friends left I walked home. I was home alone. The sweating began. That internal desire to just go buy a bottle and tilt my head back was strong. Then, a break through. It started to snow outside as NYC was forecasted for 4-7 inches. I went back to something(someone) I was before a started drinking. I was a good person wh...

First Friday night of my journey down. Wasn't easy, but I am grateful. I figured today I would post 2 pieces, seemed fitting. How did this all begin. Well, It goes way back. I never even had a drink until I was 17 years old. My father has never had a drink in his life, and my mom maybe would have 3 drinks if that in a month.  They were never the issue. Our families history was the issue. Both sides had rampant alcoholism. There really has never been a Miller or Johnson that tried to drink that DIDN'T have a problem. Well anyways, through high school it was never an issue. Party here, party there. Nothing crazy. Then college came. As I mentioned in an earlier post I have an addictive personality and tend to be the "life of the party." College was college. Really had the drinking under "college" control. But I was a Division 1 athlete and focused on a lot of things like academics as the alcohol hadn't consumed me. I had an incident in my senior year ...

Well, another 24 hours down. This one was NOT easy. Been offered a beer 3x this night. Proud to say as hard as it was I turned them all down. That feeling though. It truly is scary to look back to earlier, remember seeing the cold beer, being offered said beer, the pores of your skin open up and sweat glistens on your forehead. Your mouth starts salivating just from the idea of drinking that beer. Then that internal desire, the hardest part, your brain will do anything to get you to drink that beer. But alas, I did not. Major win for me. Now onto what this post is really about. An alarming medical diagnosis. When I decided to get clean and start thins journey I had blood drawn to test my liver and cholesterol. Turns out drinking in high amounts even if you eat right can have a drastic impact on your "bad cholesterol." Those are my numbers. In the summer when I had NOT been drinking and was trying to stop for a little. Everything was way way below the high marks. ...

Well, Well, Well. You really did it this time Jordan. Now that the cat is out of the bag and your roommate found you unresponsive in a bath towel with 3 bottles of liquor (empty) and one in your hand; it's time for help. My Name is Jordan Miller, and well. I'm an alcoholic. I have admitted this for the past two years to anyone who would listen. But unfortunately for me, I am the happy go lucky "joke" guy. I have decided to recover. I am not the most religious person, although I am a confirmed catholic. 12 step program just wasn't for me. So. What am I to do, and what will these blog's be about. I will be posting a new blog every day about my steps to recovery. I will mention the good, bad, horrific, and embarrassing moments of my recovery and some of the mistakes I made and what led me to this point. For today, this is all you're going to get. I am a 26 year old Technology Sales rep that has been at the same company for 4+ years now. I picked a ...