My Alcoholism & the Impact on Dating
Another day of sobriety down. Watched basketball with all my friends. I have been having a really hard time being by myself. That's when the mind starts to wander and the will to drink is great.
I have been telling my non close friends that I am doing this "for lent." It has been easier for me then explaining to my friends who drink all the time that I am an alcoholic. (Obviously my inner circle knows) They have been accepting of this line.
Last night around 12 am I received a text from a girl I had been texting for a month. We hit it off after my Christmas party last December. Ended up drinking heavily till 4 am and had a blast. When I am in a good mood I was a fun drunk, the life of the party. That is what she knew me as.
She unfortunately got caught up in my web of hitting rock bottom. It was a moment that really made me feel terrible about myself. I deserved this though. Last Saturday her a I apparently talked on the phone for an hour (I checked it's true) and made plans for a date on Thursday. I was blacked out drunk. No idea why I did this, but I picked a place and time for our date....
I did not show up... I never remembered making this date. I was at the Dr's admitting I have a problem and need to test my liver.
Her text were poignant and valid. I was a dick, a real asshole, a piece of shit. Her words, all true. I think the thing that was the worst, was the fact that she admitted she liked me a lot and I lost the chance to be with a really awesome girl.
She was at the bar. She got ready. I never showed up. Not because I wouldn't want to. But because I never remembered making the freaking plans. What a moment for me. I feel horrible for what I did. I opened up to this person I barley knew more then a month. I told her I was an alcoholic and it was nothing she did, but all due to what I am dealing with. I didn't want forgiveness.
Holly was a sweet, beautiful, kind girl who I blew my chance with. She appreciated my honesty and wished me the best of luck in getting sober. Then she asked me never to speak to her again.
This moment was a needed step in my recovery. Alcohol, me, and talking to girls is not the right combination. I am an outgoing person on my own. This was a low point. But I deserved this.
Tomorrow is a new day.
It's no Longer Miller Time
-Jordan Miller
I have been telling my non close friends that I am doing this "for lent." It has been easier for me then explaining to my friends who drink all the time that I am an alcoholic. (Obviously my inner circle knows) They have been accepting of this line.
Last night around 12 am I received a text from a girl I had been texting for a month. We hit it off after my Christmas party last December. Ended up drinking heavily till 4 am and had a blast. When I am in a good mood I was a fun drunk, the life of the party. That is what she knew me as.
She unfortunately got caught up in my web of hitting rock bottom. It was a moment that really made me feel terrible about myself. I deserved this though. Last Saturday her a I apparently talked on the phone for an hour (I checked it's true) and made plans for a date on Thursday. I was blacked out drunk. No idea why I did this, but I picked a place and time for our date....
I did not show up... I never remembered making this date. I was at the Dr's admitting I have a problem and need to test my liver.
Her text were poignant and valid. I was a dick, a real asshole, a piece of shit. Her words, all true. I think the thing that was the worst, was the fact that she admitted she liked me a lot and I lost the chance to be with a really awesome girl.
She was at the bar. She got ready. I never showed up. Not because I wouldn't want to. But because I never remembered making the freaking plans. What a moment for me. I feel horrible for what I did. I opened up to this person I barley knew more then a month. I told her I was an alcoholic and it was nothing she did, but all due to what I am dealing with. I didn't want forgiveness.
Holly was a sweet, beautiful, kind girl who I blew my chance with. She appreciated my honesty and wished me the best of luck in getting sober. Then she asked me never to speak to her again.
This moment was a needed step in my recovery. Alcohol, me, and talking to girls is not the right combination. I am an outgoing person on my own. This was a low point. But I deserved this.
Tomorrow is a new day.
It's no Longer Miller Time
-Jordan Miller
Keep writing about your journey, Jordan. It's great therapy! I'm sending you lots of positive, sober vibes...and a bunch of hope and encouragement, too.
ReplyDeleteThat means a lot- Really Appreciate it. This has helped me really be honest with myself as well. Appreciate the kind words!
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