How It All Began- Rock Bottom
First Friday night of my journey down. Wasn't easy, but I am grateful. I figured today I would post 2 pieces, seemed fitting.
How did this all begin. Well, It goes way back. I never even had a drink until I was 17 years old. My father has never had a drink in his life, and my mom maybe would have 3 drinks if that in a month. They were never the issue. Our families history was the issue. Both sides had rampant alcoholism. There really has never been a Miller or Johnson that tried to drink that DIDN'T have a problem.
Well anyways, through high school it was never an issue. Party here, party there. Nothing crazy. Then college came. As I mentioned in an earlier post I have an addictive personality and tend to be the "life of the party." College was college. Really had the drinking under "college" control. But I was a Division 1 athlete and focused on a lot of things like academics as the alcohol hadn't consumed me.
I had an incident in my senior year where I blew out my back. It required surgery. I was at a point where I could not walk. To be transparent. I do NOT do recreational drugs. Pain pills, pot, cocaine, anything is a no go for me. I have never had a will to do them. But drinking, this was where I turned. Stuck in bed, I found comfort at the bottom of a bottle.
Then my employment at my current company had started. It's a high stress sales job with a sales pit that I would describe as an Ancient Chinese opium den. The atmosphere is not great.
I know I am rambling on a bit. But sum up the first 2 years. I performed well. Promoted. Made good money. Moved to NYC. Started drinking 4x a week. Then the unthinkable happened..
My now (ex) gf and I were going to have a baby. She got pregnant unexpectedly. We decided to keep it and went all in. Then 3 weeks later. She lost the child. It is an unbelievable pain that I never felt I could feel. I will get into that more another day.
Not only 1 week after this experience. My oldest, best friend in life called me at work. He had always been happy, healthy, and was a brother to me. He had stage 4 cancer. Germ cell caner. It had spread into nearly every organ and bone. Just as before I will get into that more another day
Then I hit the Bottle and I Hit it Hard. And by hard, I mean a bottle 750 ml a night. I hated my job from the stress, and then so much loss. My friend passed about 6 months ago. I still have never gotten over it.
This overwhelming sadness let to this happy go lucky guy becoming numb. My work performance didn't drop- but I wasn't the same my attitude. They wanted someone upbeat, and I couldn't with all this loss. I have had my career stall over this.
I had 3 terrible girlfriends, all of whom took advantage of my financial situation, and desperation to seek out compassion and care. They used me, cheated on me, and abused me.
This all came to a terrible conclusion last weekend. I drank
Thursday- 15 drinks
Friday- 1 full bottle of liquor
Saturday- 1 full bottle 10 beers
Sunday- 1 full Bottle of liquor
Monday- 2 Full Bottles of liquor
That's when my roommate found me passed out with a bottle in my hand unresponsive.
That's Rock Bottom.
It's No Longer Miller Time
Jordan Miller
How did this all begin. Well, It goes way back. I never even had a drink until I was 17 years old. My father has never had a drink in his life, and my mom maybe would have 3 drinks if that in a month. They were never the issue. Our families history was the issue. Both sides had rampant alcoholism. There really has never been a Miller or Johnson that tried to drink that DIDN'T have a problem.
Well anyways, through high school it was never an issue. Party here, party there. Nothing crazy. Then college came. As I mentioned in an earlier post I have an addictive personality and tend to be the "life of the party." College was college. Really had the drinking under "college" control. But I was a Division 1 athlete and focused on a lot of things like academics as the alcohol hadn't consumed me.
I had an incident in my senior year where I blew out my back. It required surgery. I was at a point where I could not walk. To be transparent. I do NOT do recreational drugs. Pain pills, pot, cocaine, anything is a no go for me. I have never had a will to do them. But drinking, this was where I turned. Stuck in bed, I found comfort at the bottom of a bottle.
Then my employment at my current company had started. It's a high stress sales job with a sales pit that I would describe as an Ancient Chinese opium den. The atmosphere is not great.
I know I am rambling on a bit. But sum up the first 2 years. I performed well. Promoted. Made good money. Moved to NYC. Started drinking 4x a week. Then the unthinkable happened..
My now (ex) gf and I were going to have a baby. She got pregnant unexpectedly. We decided to keep it and went all in. Then 3 weeks later. She lost the child. It is an unbelievable pain that I never felt I could feel. I will get into that more another day.
Not only 1 week after this experience. My oldest, best friend in life called me at work. He had always been happy, healthy, and was a brother to me. He had stage 4 cancer. Germ cell caner. It had spread into nearly every organ and bone. Just as before I will get into that more another day
Then I hit the Bottle and I Hit it Hard. And by hard, I mean a bottle 750 ml a night. I hated my job from the stress, and then so much loss. My friend passed about 6 months ago. I still have never gotten over it.
This overwhelming sadness let to this happy go lucky guy becoming numb. My work performance didn't drop- but I wasn't the same my attitude. They wanted someone upbeat, and I couldn't with all this loss. I have had my career stall over this.
I had 3 terrible girlfriends, all of whom took advantage of my financial situation, and desperation to seek out compassion and care. They used me, cheated on me, and abused me.
This all came to a terrible conclusion last weekend. I drank
Thursday- 15 drinks
Friday- 1 full bottle of liquor
Saturday- 1 full bottle 10 beers
Sunday- 1 full Bottle of liquor
Monday- 2 Full Bottles of liquor
That's when my roommate found me passed out with a bottle in my hand unresponsive.
That's Rock Bottom.
It's No Longer Miller Time
Jordan Miller
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