Conditional Clarity

Feel like this week has been winning day in and day out. For the first time in a long time, I am not sleeping. I would use alcohol in the past as a way to help get to sleep. My body has felt defeated.

Here are some of the symptoms I have been dealing with.

-Anxiety
-Depression
-Fatigue
-Stress
-Restlessness
-Insomnia

While my brain is feeling much better, and I am seeing things clearer. The side effects have been unwanted.

I am trying to find new ways to unwind. I am back in the gym, hanging with friends as much as possible, working extra hours. I will do anything to not be home alone. But every night, I end up home. Alone.

It has become tough and tougher moving into the 10th day since I stopped drinking. The weight of the world is starting to be placed upon my shoulders, and I am not sure how much longer I can stay standing.

The new found clarity is at war with the drive to have an adult beverage. This weekend is already on my mind. I am a bit concerned. It's going to rain all weekend. My roommate is leaving one night to go to a whiskey fest. I do not know what to do with myself.

The clarity has been keeping the bad thoughts at bay, but I know I will need some help this weekend. Right now, I don't think I am strong enough. These are usually uplifting, and try to leave a silver lining. But I don't have it in me tonight.

I am worked to death, exhausted, and scared for the weekend to come.

Wish me luck, will update tomorrow.

-It's no Longer Miller Time

-Jordan Miller

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